Putting it all Together
“May you live every day of your life.”
—Jonathan Swift
On the Search for Happiness
From Aristotle to Freud and beyond there has been an abiding interest in the appropriate role of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, and in the search for happiness in human life. Over the millennia, in philosophy, religion, and later in psychology, there has been a considerable range of debate regarding the importance of happiness in life, let alone the search for pleasure.
Hedonism (from the Greek hedone, pleasure) was popularized by a group of philosophical schools started by Aristippus of Cyrene (435-366 B.C.) which taught that pleasure is the ultimate goal in life. Subsequently Epicurus of Samos (342-268 B.C.) developed his school of philosophy, which included his own views on ethics, physics, biology, and logic. There was, however, a focus on the importance of minimizing pain and maximizing pleasure in the search for a happy life on earth.
Over the millennia the original message of Epicurus has been reduced and misused to:
“Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may die!”
This is unfortunate, for Epicurus taught that the search for happiness included both the sensual (the five senses of seeing, tasting, touching, smelling, and hearing) and the higher forms of enjoyment such as mental activities, family, friendship, and ethical living. More important is his message that we should not pursue a pleasure that produces an excessive resultant pain—he uses sex as an example. However, he also noted that some pain and self-restraint is important for a happy life.
Coincident with the development of hedonism was another series of schools of philosophy, the Stoics, the first one started by Zeno of Citium (344-262 B.C.). The Stoics, who got their name from their meeting place, the stoa poikele, a decorated porch, in the Agora in Athens. The Stoics did not create new ideas but adapted the established concepts of philosophy, of the logic, physics, and ethics to develop practical dogmas for life. They looked to the reality of the laws of human nature and the cosmos in order to regulate their lives.
Stoic logic included the concept of apatheia (not to be confused with the meaning of the modern word apathy) which was an active process to deny oneself undisciplined emotions or passions, and foster reason, rational thinking. Therefore the goal in life is to live in harmony with human nature, and the cosmos.
You may choose to focus on a primarily “Epicurean” style of life, optimizing (not maximizing) the sensual pleasures of your life, without overdoing. Or, you may select the “Stoic” style, wherein your life is based on reasoning (logic) and your efforts in controlling your emotions and passions.
In reality, your choice will be based on the “hard-wired” aspects of your personal history, values, and personality, along with your environment. You will most likely end up with a combination of the two basic styles of life, which can change from time to time, especially as you age.
Making Choices
After the story of Creation, the next story in the Bible is that of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God gave them free will—choice—and they used it by choosing to eat the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Although they were cast out of Eden into a tumultuous and dangerous world, God continued to grant them the power of choice in their lives.
Unfortunately, many human adults, however, fail to use that power to make wise choices, choosing instead to live spontaneous and ill-directed lives—making decisions by default.
Some have turned themselves over to the strict and orderly lives in religious or military institutions, wherein choice is limited. Others follow gurus and cult leaders, while some latch on to the latest craze or fad in education, business, or organizational life. For all these people, the decisions in life are made by others, and their personal need to think, plan, and choose is largely irrelevant. Many find comfort in that world, for a season, a decade or two, or even for life.
Some people focus their decisions on planning and executing vacations, the highlight of their year. There is, however, an important group of people who do take charge of their lives and plan, in part or full, for their education, career, marriage, family, and relationships with society and God.
These studies have shown that less than 5% of educated Americans use a written personal strategic planning program in their lives on a regular, ongoing basis. They also show that planners are generally more successful with finances, social relationships, family life, and personal growth, development, and satisfaction.
Focusing on You
Only if you take control of your life can you truly love yourself and enjoy high self-esteem. Then, and only then, can you successfully relate to others around you—be it at home or away.
Aristotle defined a virtuous life and one’s ethics, based on his observations of what the noble and wise men of his time chose to do. He noted that the chief end—the highest good of all—is life. He described means as things done to produce something else, but ends as intrinsically valuable—the ultimate Goals. Although many ends are only means to further ends, one’s aspirations and desires must have some final objective or pursuit. That chief end is a life of happiness, which, of course, varies from person to person based on their own human nature and personal experience. Of the twelve virtues Aristotle defined, he chose as the “crown virtue” magnanimity (pride); that is, one’s appropriate level of self-esteem, self-love, and self-interest.
Unfortunately, the modern use of the term selfish has such a powerfully negative connotation that it should be replaced by a term such as self-focused, which expresses a positive view.
Others in Your Life
Humans are, by nature, social. They crave friendship. While individuals have made spectacular discoveries for society, the wide application of these advances were carried out by groups—even masses.
Individual humans need other humans for purposes of safety, productivity, procreation, and as Aristotle noted, to gain the number one reason for living: happiness. Aristotle also noted that there were three types of friendship:
Friendship based on mutual pleasure. When the pleasure is gone, the friendship is over.
Friendship based on mutual benefit or advantage. This is the classic business relationship, which ends when that benefit ends.
Friendship based on mutual goodness between equals. This is the most difficult friendship to create and maintain. It is the only friendship based on true love.
While the challenges and opportunities to “know ourselves” is great, it is even more difficult to “know others” and to meld them into our lives. However, the effort and risk, coupled with clear Aristotelian logic, is usually worth it.
According to Aristotle, friendliness is a virtue and the mechanism that will allow one to develop friendship. He also notes that while friendship is key for a happy life, one also needs to have good health, opportunities to practice a moral and intellectual life, adequate resources, and good luck.
We are admonished to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 19:19). This concept is well demonstrated in the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). The great love chapter of the Bible, I Corinthians 13, is popularized in weddings worldwide.
Jesus of Nazareth gave us a very clear message as regards the love of others:
“Greater love hath no man than this, that
he lay down his life for his friends.”
Taking Your Journey into the Self
In his book The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell noted that there is a commonality among myths from throughout time and place. Campbell noted that there are generally three phases of the quest in mythology: departure,initiation, and return. These phases, or rites of passage, may be started by a “call to adventure” and evolve through a series of thresholds: the possibility of meeting interesting characters, of gaining supernatural aids or assistance, then rescue, and finally return. The quest takes the hero into a new and unknown world of trials and testing, and back home.
The hero always travels solo. However, a true hero who returns from a quest dies as an ordinary person and is reborn as a new or eternal person. The returning hero has changed and then lives a new life, for he then lives in two worlds.
Perhaps now is the time to make an effort to understand yourself, to give yourself permission to love yourself, to forgive yourself, to take that exciting, mysterious, and sometimes dangerous Journey into the Self. Out of that quest will emerge a better person—better able to address the challenges and opportunities of life, the joys and the sorrows of life, the risks and rewards of life, and the lives of those around you.
While none of us can join Gawain in the search for the Holy Grail, we can, however, optimize our ongoing strategic planning process by way of adventures or expeditions at home or in foreign lands. These ventures may allow us a controlled amount of stress, which in turn may encourage us to look within ourselves and our values. You do not have to go to an extreme of such a misadventure as I experienced in order to gain insights about yourself.
The Journey into the Self is an extended lifelong quest. Properly executed, each of us can create a unique life story. It has been said, that in the entire world, over all the ages, there are only two story themes:
Local citizen leaves town.
Stranger comes to town.
Your life can be a story of both.
“Follow your bliss.”
—Joseph Campbell
“Life is God’s gift to you.
What you do with it is your gift to God.”
—Reverend John Hagee
“...a world where anything is possible.
Where we go from here is
a choice I leave to you.”
—Neo, The Matrix
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